On Me Ol' Sad Life

When you get your own, Don't just be a parent, Because parents become strangers, Don't ignore raising them, Because who they become, Is who you are.

I don't want to take this blunt,

I don't want this gun,

I don't want to pop pills,

I don't want to hold a knife,

I don't want a lot of things

I don't want a lot of things,

I also don't want this pen,

Too much to handle

Too much expected

But I choose none

Disappointed? Sorry,

But I ain't falling in this bro,

You never have seen pain,

In all kinds of things,

Curses do exist right?

But am I one?

Happiness does exist somewhere,

But am I happy?

Does a twitch in my lips,Does a twitch in my lips,

Show no heartache?

Listen

I've made mistakes

Too much hit blunts

I'm rooted deep

So, I stand firm

I ain't choosing this side no more,

But all this pain,

All the hurt,

All the remorse

Made me write you this,

No punchlines,

No rhythm,

Heck...I don't even know what I am doing,

Am I even a poet?

Ha-ha, sigh...

Words have lost meaning

So, I write best of what I can scribble

Paths have lost direction

So, I rush my feet fast,

Fuck it, oops, sorry,

But I heard my mother cuss me out,

Just like that,

I get not what I'm saying

But I call it quits

I am a son to a fool who lost it all

At the expense of the bottle,

I am a child to a mother who couldn't fight,

At the expense of love,

A sibling to a child,

Deemed smarter than I ever could be,

I am the disappointment to the masses,

Who wanted a better version,

I was all fat and ugly,

Too plump, I blocked out their view,

To see the inner me,

Me ol' sad life,

Filled with broken mirrors,

And caskets full of memories,

Maybe six feet deep,

Is where they'll be safe,

I forgive you father,

For you knew not what you were doing,

All I wanted was to be a good son,

One whom you'd be proud of,

But I guess we had different dreams.

Sigh...

I pictured our family a success, a dream...

But I guess I forgot to walk you out of the frame,

As you spilled venom, and fire to the picture,

I forgive your comparison with the rest,

Because I probably was too dense,

That all I caught was graphite and pencils,

But all I could write was a blank page,

That I was stupid you were so right,

But how could I right?

When all my wrongs,

Were all that your eyes saw?

I've lived to write your wrongs

Maybe it was right for me to focus on that which you left not

You said he was better,

You said he was the good example

You forgot you held me no class

'Cause you were getting your dirty linen aired out in the drinking dens

And with each bottle I stole,

Because it made me freer than I ever had,

While others talked how their fathers were their light,

All I saw was darkness,

Not even a single twinkle in the night skies,

But now, how do I know who the light is,

While all I see is darkness?

Dear Father,

Who art not...

Forgive me...

I denounce you not...

Neither do I call unto you...

I fed too much on your absence,

I took no note of your presence,

I took the gun because you couldn't see me,

Only then would I feel like I belonged,

I tied the noose, and set it high up,

In a bid to catch my survival, unawares...

I took the knife because I wanted to slit,

Only then would I be free

I popped pills, stayed high,

Because being low,

Made me low.

Out of sight,

Out of mind,

You made me live a life outside my own self

You gave me no love

I fought myself to get some

I befriended pain

And only him, could I find comfort,

We were family

But I guess you were fabricated,

I was only a pawn to you,

And I am sorry I allowed my sacrifice,

To bring you all this glory,

So, whoever you are,

Child or grown,

When you get your own,

Don't just be a parent,

Because parents

become strangers,

Eventually,

Don't ignore raising them,

Because who they become,

Is who you are,

Don't worry,

I won't let mine,

Go through,

The heat

I did.

Post Tags parents depression